When I Emerge Through the Shadows
by inspire.me
Summary: They thought she was dead, she presumed they all moved on. But she was never dead. And now she's back. Escaping from the clutches of evil, she runs to the one person she always felt safe with. :TATE:
1. the fear and the dread

_I wrote this a while ago, but then my laptop broke and I stopped using it and I forgot all about this half-written story of mine until the other night when I turned it on one final time to retrieve all the files off it... so I thought I'd post it here! Please review and let me know what you think, and if I should continue with it!_

_Disclaimer: No. NCIS does not belong to me, and this is just me trying to deny what happened in a certain season finale, which I would have no reason to do if the show actually belonged to me because I would not have written such a plot!!!_

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She stood outside. 

In the cold.

The wind enveloped her, yet she did not shiver. She was beyond feeling anything other than the fear. The fear of the door in front of her, the door that she had wanted to see for so long. She was afraid of what would happen when she would finally knock on the door, and afraid of the reaction of the person who was behind the door.

Because to him, she was dead.

How would he react, to see someone at his doorstep, alive when believed to be dead? More to the point, how would he react to seeing_ her_?

This fear was what stopped her from knocking on the door. And so she waited, simply waiting in the cold, waiting for a sudden burst of courage, or perhaps a sign that she should knock on the door.

Or a sign that she shouldn't.

Her mind wandered. Thinking back to her time held captive, she remembered why she'd chosen this house to run to. Out of anywhere she could've ran to after her escape, she'd chosen this particular door to stand at. She remembered every moment of their friendship before that day, and a tear rolled down her cheek as she felt the sorrow of missing that friendship while she'd been away. Yet now she was here, a door separating her from a person she used to know. The street seemed familiar, and at the same time so distant. Everything was different, she knew that, but some things never changed, like the past, and the memories that she held dear.

Hearing a knocking sound, she looked up to see her hand curled in a ball, in contact with the door.

Her eyes wide, she thought of running away, perhaps never to be seen again. However, a stronger force kept her where she was.

Waiting.

In the cold.

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_so what do you think? Pretty please leave me a review, I'm willing to take all constructive feedback :) _


	2. the pain and the regret

_Wow thankyou everyone for your lovely reviews, they made my day and each one brought a smile to my dial! I hope you like the next little installment..._

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He sat inside.

In the warmth.

The heater was on but no amount of exterior heat could alleviate the extreme cold he felt within.

He felt cold, he always did at night time.

He curled up in the corner of his couch, trying to protect himself from the darkness of the night. The only witnesses of him in this state were his beer and his movies. He was watching the Matrix trilogy for what seemed like the tenth time that month. It was something to keep him occupied, while he sat at home with no life to live and only his thoughts to keep him company. He would do anything to avoid actually thinking about the things that stayed in the back of his mind, never leaving him alone. Feelings of guilt, mourning, anger and the worst one of all, the feeling of leaving so much unresolved. The days were always easy, he had his work. He usually worked most nights as well, but he had to go home regularly to avoid suspicion that he was actually not okay. After all, it had been such a long time ago now, a year was more than enough time to move on.

And yet he never had.

He silently cursed himself for his choice of movie, as he watched Neo and Trinity kiss on screen, as Trinity took her last dying breath. He turned the television set off, suddenly remembering that he'd done the exact same thing when he watched the movie the last time.

Three nights ago.

Getting up from the couch, he started a mental list of the things he could do, anything except for going to bed. Going to bed no longer included sleeping, as he found it impossible to sleep. This only left him with his thoughts, and that was the last thing he wanted.

Hearing a knock at his door, everything left his mind, leaving only an intense feeling of intrusion. This wasn't meant to happen. Nobody was allowed to know about about his secret pain, his nights of hurting. Cautiously walking towards the sound, he wondered who would possibly be at his door. As much as he wished he could ignore the sound and stay by hinself, he was drawn to the knocking.

Something about the sound... wasn't cold.

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_Good, bad, whatever your thoughts, I'd love to hear them! Until next time..._


	3. the dreams and the broken

_Once again, thank you so much for your lovely reviews. I love you all for reading my story and giving me your thoughts, and I'm keeping those thoughts safe in a jar on my bedside table._

_Well, not really... but you get my point._

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As he opened the door, he came face to face with the woman he often saw in the middle of the night. He sighed, this was going to hurt when he woke up.

"You again," he whispered. "I see you're back. I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

Kate looked back at him, confused.

"You're not dreaming."

Tony laughed an empty, hollow laugh. "You usually acknowledge that I am, and tell me that I need to let you go. Of course, you also usually turn up in some kind of gorgeous dress and you don't look this... injured... battered... hurt. I guess my imagination is getting wilder, what can I say?"

It was always like this. Awake blurred with asleep and he'd see her. Her smile... her beauty... he felt that somehow it was what he owed her, to keep her memory alive. To see her was to continue to love her.

Then he would wake up. Remember she was gone. Feel like shit all over again.

He was trapped by her. He was haunted by her.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kate whispered, her face still blank.

Tony resented this. It seemed that she was trying to make him feel some kind of doubt. Doubt that she was actually gone. He knew that if he let himself forget that she wasn't real, it would be so much harder to accept it again in the morning.

"Kate, every time I see you, I want to touch you, feel you near me, but every time I try to reach out to you, my hand just goes right through you. Then I wake up."

"You can touch me." Kate's voice was small, and she held up her hand to Tony, who hesitated. This dream was different from the others.

"Touch my hand. I'm here."

He looked at her hand. There was a healing cut on her palm, which continued down to her elbow. He began to realise just how bad she looked, the bruises on her face, how thin she looked, the tiredness in her eyes. She was still beautful, she just seemed so... broken.

Slowly, he brought up his hand, bringing it to hers. The tips of their fingers touched first, then their palms. The two of them looked at their touching hands, and Tony felt Kate's hand against his.

"This isn't a dream." Tony whispered, his voice barely loud enough for Kate to hear.

Looking up at Tony, Kate's eyes were sad and pleading and a tear ran down her cheek.

"Please, Tony... help me?"

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_Hope the story's not moving too slowly... send your thoughts my way and I'll put them in that jar I was talking about... :)_


	4. the dead and the resurrected

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_Thank you to all who reviewed!! Each review made my day, even the ones telling me to speed up the story a bit... well, good news for you, it should be getting less slow now..._

_So sorry for the long wait between chapters, school is quite a time consumer :( _

_Anyhow, on with the show!_

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From chapter 3: 

He looked at her hand. There was a healing cut on her palm, which continued down to her elbow. He began to realise just how bad she looked, the bruises on her face, how thin she looked, the tiredness in her eyes. She was still beautful, she just seemed so... broken.

Slowly, he brought up his hand, bringing it to hers. The tips of their fingers touched first, then their palms. The two of them looked at their touching hands, and Tony felt Kate's hand against his.

"This isn't a dream." Tony whispered, his voice barely loud enough for Kate to hear.

Looking up at Tony, Kate's eyes were sad and pleading and a tear ran down her cheek.

"Please, Tony... help me?"

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He could feel her pulse, her life, somehow rushing from her arm to his through their touching hands. Their touch somehow warming him, melting him, bringing back his will to live in a way which was more than merely surviving. He could feel hope, and it felt strange to feel in a way he hadn't allowed himself to feel since he'd cut himself off from reality a long while ago. 

It was then that he felt the wind, like ice against his skin, and he knew he was not numb anymore. He also realised that Kate had been standing out here in the cold for too long.

He strung some words together, forming a semi-coherent sentence about coming inside out from the cold. Kate followed him in.

Taking a second to comprehend the situation, Tony knew that he needed to be strong. Kate was here, not a ghost from heaven but a fragile girl who'd escaped from hell. She could be anywhere and yet she was here. He owed it to her to do everything in his power to put the pieces back together again.

"Kate, it's okay now, you're safe here, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Firstly, we need to get you warm. You're going to have a shower, and I'm going to find you something to wear and something warm to eat, okay?"

Kate smiled. It was a small smile, hardly a smile at all in fact, but Tony could see the appreciation in her eyes. And yet, there was so much more he could see behind it. A story he needed to hear.

After Kate was out of the shower and in one of Tony's tracksuits, which was definitely too big for her, Tony served her some soup he'd found in the cupboard and sat down on the couch with her.

He watched her as she ate. She seemed so guarded, so small. He promised himself that he'd find the Kate he used to know, the one who could outwit, outsmart and outlast anyone, the Kate who was fearless and could tell a person ranks above her to go to hell.

He couldn't understand how someone could be so heartless to take that woman away. However, he knew that the amazing strength that she possessed would make it impossible for her to be gone forever. She was still in there somewhere.

"Thank you." Kate whispered, as she finished eating. She still avoided eye contact. Her back was straight, away from the backrest of the couch.

Pulling her back towards the cushions, Tony urged her to relax. "It's okay now, Kate. You're going to be fine."

Kate looked across at Tony, cynical doubt in her eyes.

"I honestly don't know how long it will take, and it will probably be a long process, but eventually you _will _be okay." Tony whispered. "I promise."

"I woke up in a room..." Kate began suddenly. "...and there was a screen. I saw you, Gibbs, McGee... and me. But it wasn't me, I'd never had those conversations, I had no memory of any of it."

Kate looked up at Tony, her eyes fearful. Tony smiled in reassurance.

"You were talking... it left off from the night before. It was the next day and I was _watching _my life. I watched as we discussed Ari and the attack that was going to happen and then... he was there, Tony. With me. He told me to watch my life, to see what happens to me, that I had to be helpless.

"Then I understood. It wasn't me. Well, clearly, because I was me and I was trapped in a room with a screen watching you all with someone who Ari had done a very good job of making _look_ like me. You were all interacting with her as if she _was _me. My life wasn't mine anymore. Ari left and I knew better than to try and escape... Then the roof..."

Turning to face Tony, Kate took a deep breath. When she spoke again, her voice was laced with tears. "Tony, I watched me die!"

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_reviews are like cookies... except yummier... please? Until next time! xoxo Have a great day :)_


	5. the memories and the alive

_My sincerest apologies for the long wait. What can I say, I've had a crazy year. I promise that the next chapter won't take as long. Hopefully this one turned out okay, I found it quite tricky, I'm really out of practice on the fanfiction front!_

_I'd recap you on previous events, but it's probably best if you just re-read if you've forgotten, I mean the chapters weren't very long so it shouldn't take too much._

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"I was kidnapped while I was sleeping, Tony." Kate whispered, the memories painful for her to retell. "While we were all sleeping, at NCIS. It was the night before. The night before you thought I died." 

Tony gasped at this. He remembered the night all too clearly. How could it be possible for Kate to have been taken during the night while they were all there? While he had been sleeping, Kate had been taken. He hadn't been able to protect her. Just like on the roof, he had been powerless.

But now she was back with him, and he was going to die himself before failing to protect Kate again. He took one of her trembling hands in his, and she took a deep breath before continuing.

"That whole day, that whole thing with Ari, everything - including me dying – that wasn't me, Tony. Ari had this woman completely changed to look and act exactly like me. He'd been training her to act like me ever since the day he held autopsy hostage. And when I woke up, it was this room, I couldn't get out, the only thing I could do was watch this big screen, and it was her... it was like she really _was_ me. Ari, he wanted to completely outsmart Gibbs, to know that he really had won, and he wanted me to lose complete control of my life; to be completely helpless."

Tony slowly took this all in. "On the roof... it wasn't you..."

Kate cringed at the memory of watching the other Kate fall from the impact of one, well-aimed bullet. "I wasn't there, Tony, but I saw it. I watched my death, I saw my blood splattered on your face, I felt..."

Kate struggled for the words, and looked down at her hand still in Tony's. "I felt like I _had _been shot."

Tony watched Kate as her eyes glazed over and fear washed over her face. He could see how hard it was for her to tell him this, even harder than it was for Tony to hear it.

"Kate, you survived... you escaped...?" Tony questioned.

Kate bit her lip and prepared herself to tell the last bit of her story, the last piece of information she needed to present as her explanation to turning up like this, back from the dead. "Eventually, word got back to the man who was assigned to look after me and make sure I stayed put, that Ari was dead. He came in, and said that since Ari had left no particular orders, he wasn't sure if he should let me go, keep me, or kill me. I explained it was almost like a game to him, and I was hardly of importance if he was dead. While he was contemplating the thought, I just had this surge of energy and I punched him... I just ran. I had no idea where I was, I was so many miles from here, but I had to find my way back to my life..."

Kate trailed off and Tony noticed how small she looked, so afraid, trying so hard to keep it together and remain strong. After all she'd just told him, all she'd been through, all Tony could do was instinctively wrap his arms around her, pulling her close to him, holding her. Running his hand through her hair, he whispered softly, "Stop trying, Kate... you're safe with me... you don't have to pretend anymore."

At Tony's kind and sincere words, Kate allowed her defenses to fall away, letting go of the armor she'd needed to survive. She clung to Tony and let her tears fall. She didn't feel at all better, and she was certainly not okay, but she felt safe.

After Kate had calmed somewhat, Tony pulled himself back to look into Kate's eyes, grateful for the ever so small but existent glimmer of hope he saw there. "Kate, I'm so sorry I couldn't help you, but I promise to help you now. I'm so happy, so grateful, that you're alive."

As Tony leaned forward and kissed the top of Kate's head, Kate began to believe it. She could feel it.

She _was_ alive.

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_review me? much love, have a nice day! xoxo  
_


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